my biggest fear…


loosing my husband. I remember when we just got married,  I was surprise when woke up in the middle of the night he wasn’t by my side. I started to think bad things happen to him. I cried and cried. It turn out he went to sleep at his parents house (which is close by) because I didn’t open the door when he knocked at the gate late at night. Once we had a conversation, I said I want to die first, because I can’t stand of loosing him, I will be broken heart and my life will be a mess. He’s a very kind and patient man, and people say good person usually die quickly. I don’t think this is true but I kind of buy it.

If I die first. I am not afraid of the death itself, but thinking about losing the time I can spend with my kids as they grow, not being there to see my daughter wedding or my son graduation. Not be able to hold my grandchildren and missing from the family’s picture. Then slowly be forgotten (if my husband remarried).

Loosing my kids. O God, how can I face the world without their smiles, their warm hugs, their  funny ways of saying and doing things. Even though many times they drive me crazy by not listening to what I say, and doing other things, I just can’t imagine wake up in the morning not seeing one of them, or go to sleep at night not kissing one of them. 

Loosing my Mom and Dad, Like I said in my previous writing, time become so precious to spend with them, or any of my sisters and brothers. In the past I always thought we have too many member in our family. We should only be 3, or maximal 4 kids. But now I can’t think of our family without Joe and David, my two youngest brothers. I guess 6 is the perfect number for us.

I realized how important my family means for me. So help me God to appreciate these beautiful people you put in my life and be thankful that up to this day we still have each other.

Dear friends…take time to spend with your family member and appreciate their good qualities.


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