It’s all for you but you’re not here…


I started to decorate the house in valentine’s mode on the week before the big day. Pink and related color are everywhere. Anything in that color will be put in the display. I get the kids to help me make some ornaments to hang by the door, Other than that I took out my candle collection and put them in every table in the living and dining room. I am ready for the day.

At first we planned to go to a mal with the kids just like last year but then I made up my mind, I wanted to have a time alone with my husband at home. He came from work at about 7 pm, I asked him to drop the kids to my parents house since the next day is a holiday, they wanted to sleep over at their opa and oma place. Meanwhile I lit up all the candles and watch the TV program related to Valentine. Still waiting…I took the camera and started to take some pictures around the house. I am excited playing with the light and get some nice shots. By the tine he came home he was too tired. He try to stay up and watch movie with me but I can tell he was so tired and sleepy, so I told him to go to bed.

There I was by myself a bit dissapointed. I took the heart-shape-cake my mom baked for me out of the fridge, and decorated it with fresh strawberry on the top. And instead of feeling sorry for my plan has ruin, I took a piece of paper from my sunflower collection, and write a love letter which I haven’t done for a long time for my husband.

The next morning when I woke up, he prepared fruits and drink for me. We sat down at the table and have breakfast while watching a video about photography, something we both enjoy, for that day we will work together for a prewedding photo session of a couple. Things may not go according to what I wanted, but after 10 years of marriage I learn to accept the flaws in my marriage and not make a big deal of it. Just enjoy the moment together.

you’re still the one…

 

Suddenly i just feels like writing my love story. Mine probably not as grande as Romeo and Juliet or as thrilled as Bella and Edward from the “Twilight”, but doesn’t each of us have a unique story, and that’s what make love stories always interesting to be told.

I wasn’t fall in love to Yudi at the first sight, or the second. The first time i met him was when I came back to Jakarta from the State for my sister wedding in 1996. He look like one of the highschool student, skinny with the hair a bit longer, in fact he was just graduate from one.  So for me who was at the time studied for my master degree and like the westerner, he’s not appealing at all, also because I didn’t plan to stay long in Jakarta at all.

But life is always full of mystery. I end up stayed for a year and worked for the Church. And for the last 6 months we were working together. Even then I wasn’t interested in him.I remember admired him because he was quite mature for his age. He was a great partner and I feel so secure to be with him. We went out date one time with some friends, but only as friends. My friends tried to fix me up with another guy who was at the same age with me,I wasn’t fall in love to him either but I try to build friendship.

Then I went back to continue my study in the US. He was one among my close friends who took time to come to the airport and say good-bye. forgetting what happen in Indonesia, I fall in love to an American, he was not a western but he’s been living there all of his life. At the time I thought he is the love of my life, my soul mate, because the feeling was so strong. But we can’t really pursuit our relationship because he was in the middle of family problems. He was married, have kids and filing for divorce. We talked but never date. He stop by to drop an ice cream, and asked my roommates to make sure how am I doing. So sweet right?. But I when i graduated I decided to go back to my country . It was a very hard decision to make, but somehow I feel that this is what God wants me to do.

So I left that piece of love story and come back to Jakarta. Every months the guy called from America. I told him about my life, my struggles, and he’s always encourage me. Even though my body is here, but my heart is there. It went on like that for a while until one friend asked me if I really want to wait for him to come and propose me then marry me?. It just down on me, that I can’t live in a dream, I have to be serious about a relationship because my age was on the critical time (33). So I decided to build one here, I open my heart and my mind, I think about some guys whom I felt good with, and one of them is Yudi. My friend helped to fix up our date, and after that we get close and getting to know better. He told me later on that he wasn’t intended to get marry any soon, and another friend try to fix him up with another girl. But he knew in his heart that I am the one who can help him grow and become a better person.

Still I am not crazy about him or anything. But there was one moment when I think I started to fall for him, when we were having a special service in a big hall. I saw him among many people, wearing green shirt walked toward me, and just like in the movie where everybody else goes blurry and he became the focus of my eye lenses. We had 2 dates before he asked me to be his girlfriend. He came to my place (at the time I live with a couple) in their house. Yudi came very early in the morning when I just got up. So he saw the real me, morning face and everything. He gave a beautiful bouquet of flower and  asked me to read the card he wrote for me. I was surprise because at the bottom of the card he wrote “Would you be my girlfriend?” I can’t say anything, just nodded for the moment was too precious to be ruined by my morning odour. Then he let me fix myself; took shower and put the make up on, and he took me for breakfast in a hotel. 

We were dating for 6 months when he asked me to marry him. It should be a beautiful day but sorry it wasn’t. We were dating with some friends in Pizza Hut, He asked if I want the ice cream for desert, I said no, but the ice cream come anyway with a ring on the top. Suddenly he was down on his knee, gave me a card and flower, I read it but didn’t respond accordingly. I let the ring drawn in the cup as the ice cream melting and all the eyes of our friends looking at both of us. I called my best friend to asked advice and she told me to just follow my heart, so I told him I wasn’t ready.

He could have drop our relationship right there, but instead he was patient and so supportive to me, the reason i wasn’t ready because lately we got in to arguments a lot, but after that rejection somehow it gets better. I saw his best quality, and that I thing make me fall in love deeper to him. Then I am the one who expecting him to ask me again, My birthday in November pass by, christmas pass by, New year’s eve gone, No sign of the proposal. I even told my friend maybe I should become like Julia Robert in the “Runaway Bride”, who kneel down and asked Richard Gere to marry her. But I don’t want to spoil that special moment for him, but when?. 

He took me by surprised on valentine’s day 2000. He was so busy (or pretend to) helping the valentine’s event we were having at the time, I felt so left out by him. In the Middle of the program, the MC said that some guy wanted to appreciate their girlfriend. One of them is Yudi, so he took me to the front and recite a love poems, I wasn’t really pay attention to the words, I was enchanted with the moment when suddenly he spell the magic sentence “Will you marry me?” For a moment I can not say anything. I was speechless, It feels like hours me standing there with him kneel down and hundred of people witness this. How can I say no, is there any other chance after that? I don’t want wasting  another minute without him. of course it’s a “YES”

Then the wedding preparation get started, meeting the family and all the problems related to it, prewedding photo session, plan for honeymoon and other things. The wedding it self has another story which i will post sometimes in the future, but one thing I can say now is that my love for him grow the more I know him. Even now with all the fight, the financial circumstance, the kids situation and the business of our works, he still the one I long to hold when I close my eyes at night.