I shouldn’t have done that….


Just after I brag about my 2012 resolution, how I want to enjoy my relationship with my kids, I have fall short right away. I got so impatient with my daughter Jasmine.

Sunday morning she was writing something at study room while I was getting ready for church. When I saw her I scolded her for use the A4 paper recklessly and leave papers everywhere. she started to cry because she was feeling unhappy already from leaving behind by my husband and son who are going to church earlier.

Then in the evening when I accompany her to do her homework, I got so irritate to find out how messy her notebooks were. They were full of drawing and scribble in the back, many pages torn, and not neat. And when I check her agenda, I found out she lost her Social Study notebook. Again I lectured her for being such a careless students, and I said I can’t understand how can she study and understand the lesson with such messy notebooks.

This morning she woke up just fine, get ready and had breakfast. But after that she loose focus and take care something unimportant, Her brother and I are ready, but she was not finished put on her shoes and I have to look for her socks, because she didn’t prepared them. On the way to school the road is jam, I looked at her in the eyes and told her how she need to be faster in the morning if she doesn’t want to be late to school.

Luckily she’s not late, and we all relieved. I also got a chance to buy her notebook to replace her lost one and buy her some food to eat at the recess. Then I went to a store to do some grocery, but since the store open at 8, I buy a bowl Chicken Porridge from a street vendor nearby and ate it there. As I open my bag to pay, I found a yellow pen with a note inside my bag. I was surprise because the day before I asked if I can have it but Jasmine said “no, I like it too”

It turn out that morning my daughter change her mind and she decided to give it to me, because she knew I love yellow. She write a note “sorry, I was yell at you Mom, but I was hurt as well. Thank you for taking me to church although I prefer to go with papa. I have a present for you, the yellow pen you like, please accept it. Thank you for being nice to me last night. Sorry this paper is wet because I cried when I wrote this. I love you Mom.

I was ashamed of myself, being so impatient and not be able to understand my child. When I got home I take the time to think and pray, I asked God to give me the wisdom to see Jasmine’s strength more than her weaknesses and to respect her uniqueness. When she came home from school, I apologize and thank her for the pen and note. She reply, thanks for the lunch too, mom!

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forgiveness…

After awhile I was reminding of how good it felt to be forgiving. I think God is teaching me a lesson here, because I’ve been taking forgiveness for granted. Even though I am not a person who are easily angry and keep hurt feelings to other people, but to my own family I’m not so easy to forgive. I don’t remember when was the last time I say “I forgive you” to my husband and children. When they made mistakes and I was angry, they apologize, but I usually keep silent or go on preaching them.

Recently I made a mistake, a terrible one, because I shared someone’s hurt feeling to another friend. I didn’t mean to gossiping, it just slip out like that when she say something related. The next day I went to that person and admited my mistakes. Her reaction was sudden and strong, just like the Tsunami in Japan recently. I instantly apologize, but she was silent and I know that I really hurt her feeling.

I was feeling guilty and in my heart and mind I keep on blaming myself. I tax her a message saying “Sorry for ruin your day, Sorry for hurt your feeling, Sorry for betrayed your trust, and sorry for open my mouth when I shouldn’t”. She didn’t reply, and even though the next day she seems to be better and ate lunch with us, but I don’t dare to talk directly to her.

Just this morning she answered my SMS and said “I forgive you and let’s be friend again”. I feel so happy and releave. Therefore I made some mental note; I promised myself to say “I forgive you” to my love ones when they make mistake and to be more careful with my tongue. A very meaningful lesson for me indeed.

why Jasmine shouldn’t be happy about her b’day?

1. No birthday cake and blowing candles.

2. I am sick on my birthday (and this is the 2nd time)

3. Mom promised me chicken porridge for breakfast but didn’t get it for me till late after I was full from dinner at Pizza Hut.

4. She also said she wants to give me a pedicure but never happen till the next day.

5. We went to the rental to borrow HSM 3 but the rental was closed!

6. Papa went to work the whole day and just make it for dinner.

7. No present for me, except from Oma (she gave me a piggy bank almost full with Rp.200 coins)

8. My brother use my bike and didn’t want to share it with me.

9. I don’t mind not having a party, but why can I invite one of my classmate? she’s my best friend.

10. I know I am sick but why should I stay inside all the time?

I guess this is my guilty list, for not create a special day for my daughter 9th birthday last saturday. She may not think this way, but as I put myself in her shoes, that day was a disaster. The day before I try to asked her what can we do to make her feel better (since she was sick) and special? She mention about the Chicken Porridge, Peanut Butter Sandwich, I even offered her pedicure and rent HighSchool Musical 3 (her favorite movie), but I failed to do it. The sickness was out of my control but most of these were my fault, I don’t really make sure. I am sorry Baby, I hope next time I can make it better.